Lovers

I always believed that many people may walk in and out of  your life. But only a true friend will leave an impression or footprint in your heart forever. With that being said I have some questions to ask you. What do you call a man or woman that's special to you, that you met at a bar, store, mall , online or on vacation, that no one knows ? You may only see them during the week, while others times you only see them only at nights or the weekends. Then there are times where you don't see them at all, like holidays, birthdays or special occasions. Why? Because they may  happen to live out of state or out of town and the only time they come back is for a weekend visit. Your friends and even your family members have no ideal that you are having sex or seeing someone. They may think that you are single or loyal to your husband, wife, man or girlfriend, when in reality you have a person on the side as your lover or a really good friend. Lovers aren't friends, they aren't your husband or wife they aren't your normal man or woman. They are just simply someone you talk to or go to when you get hot or the urge to make love. The question is what happens when you both discover that you have something more in common other than the bedroom? What happens when you find out that you really like this person or that you could even love them? What happens when you could no longer keep them a secrete? What will happens to your marriage or relationship?What would your co-workers, family or friends think? What happens when the person you been loving or having sex with, wants to be more than a lover or friend and wants to come out as your main man or woman? These questions came to me from a reader of mine who is having this real life problem herself. Judge for yourself and tell me if you think they should remain friends, lovers or nothing at all.

Hello Chuck,

I have been reading your blogs for about a month and I must admit that they are the bum! I love the topics you write about, because they are real and are not talked about on television or online. I will encourage my family and friends to visit your blog! Anyway, I have been married for over 4 years. The first two years of my marriage was wonderful, but after sometime our passion and love for each other have faded away. Now my husband and I only have sex once or twice a month. Its like we are on some type of schedule and its always planned! When we go to bed now our backs are turned in opposite directions as if we were only friends. There have been many nights that I have gone to bed, horny, hot and bothered with nothing on. Sometimes I would wear some sexy lingerie, play some soft music and my husband would act like I wasn't even there. Chuck, he doesn't seem to care or even want to satisfy my sexual urges. I have needs that need to be taken care of  and I am not happy. One day I met a man at one of our barbecues that I was attracted to and he happens to be one of my husbands best friends. At first we talked, then text each other and then one then lead to another and we became lovers. He was so good Chuck that I could feel him in my dream and he is always in my thoughts. We would met each other just on the weekends when my husband was gone on the road or away. After two years we both discovered that we really like each other and yesterday he told me that he loved me. After he told me that a strange feeling came over me and it wasn't guilt, because now I feel the same way. I know Chuck after you read this you may say its only lust and not love that I am feeling. But after I had time to examine my feelings I know that I want him to be more than a friend or a lover and my man forever. Whats a girl to do?

Elaina

Hello Elaina,
Thank you very much for your letter. Yes in my own opinion, I think what you are feeling is lust , not love for your lover and you are just enjoying the experience. Maybe you are doing this, because you are not getting that type of attention or affection from your husband and maybe that is the reason why you are having these type of feelings. Beside that it is wrong to cheat on your husband with anyone, but its even worse that happen to be doing this with his best friend. My advice to you is very simple if you plan on continuing this type of relationship or having these type of affairs do your husband and yourself a favor. Put an end to your marriage, before your husband finds out !Even though what happens in the dark will come out in the light!I hope you both will be very careful, because we live in a dangerous world. Many times as adults some get themselves in trouble or complicated situations by thinking with whats between their legs, instead of thinking with their heads. Feeling good or having good sex long last for only a mere moments and can't compare to the feeling of  true love. Some people may think that a outside lover or a really good friend, make a great spouse, but what they don't realize is that they are only good for one thing and that's pleasing them in the bedroom. Outside of it they may find, that they have nothing in common at all. A real man or woman won't settle for someone who is only a sexual partner, instead they will seek someone that has it all. Someone they can share their good times or bad times with, love them through thick or thin, then have their backs and love them for as long as they live.When they do find this person they will become more than just Lovers.They will call them their King Or Queen, then they shall become partners for life.
Good luck Elaina,
Chuck