What Happened?

I was recently asked by a reader of mine a very strange question. How does one grow closer to the one you once loved? In her letter she expressed to me that she has been married to the love of her life for one year. As expected the first year was hard because each of them had to adjust to each other habits, moods and ways. But for some strange reason, the sparks they had before they got married wasn't there anymore. Sex went from 5 days a week, three times a day, to once a month and the only passion shared between the two were the normal kiss before work or after they went to bed. When they are in bed together , backs are turned as if they were sleeping with their brother, sisters or roommates. Now her husband doesn't seem to care when she gets off from work and doesn't make any effort to make sure she has made it to work or home okay. If she leaves the house to hang out with her girlfriend he encourages her and even gives her money to spend while doing it. Even when she wears something sexy or revealing, he looks right through her as if she wasn't there.Then she expressed to me in her letter that her career was taking off, she got a promotion and a very large pay raise, while her husband was struggling. He quit a 5 year job because he hatted working there and started a new job in sales, so he isn't making the money he was used to. These are her words exactly, Chuck I try to encourage him everyday, I remind him that things are bad for him and I want him to do better. Because after all he wasn't getting any younger and neither was I. But he just looks at me very sadly and walks out the door. I don't know what to do Chuck I feel like I am loosing my husband. Please help!

  After reading her letter I wondered to myself what happen to all the love, passion and romance that brought them to be married in the first place? Was he cheating or did something else happen to change the way he feels? Has his feelings changed so quickly after being married for only a year? In other words what happened? In her letter she expressed to me something real strange that I know most women wouldn't admit, she missed his jealousy and especially the attention that she was used to getting. Now she expresses that part of him is gone as if it never was there. After reading her letter I determine to find out what was wrong, after all one year of marriage they both should still be honeymooning. I wanted to know just as bad as her, what happened? Then a light went off in my head, her husband was struggling and she reminded him everyday, how bad he was doing! That is where she went wrong! Why you may ask? Because no one needs to be reminded of how bad they are doing, instead they should be encouraged and supported. If someone is reminded everyday that they are doing bad, they will leave feeling that way.Words we say everyday are very important, they have the power to encourage or heal and the power to crush, destroy or tear down. They way we use them can determine how the people we know or love may feel forever. Unknowingly our words can sometimes push the people we love away. If your friendship, relationship with your children, family or marriage has changed or suffered, it maybe because of the words that you are using. Speak positive words into peoples lives and then watch their world change forever.What Happened? Write in then express your thought or views on the subject.
Chuck