Trapped In The Closet

One of the scariest things known to man or woman is dating, marrying or being in a relationship with someone who happens to have an alter ego. Its a known fact that there are a lot of men or women out there pretending to be something that they are not and when the truth comes out its usually too late. Many hearts have been broken, because the person that they have been involved with started the relationship based off a lie. A lot of men or women start the relationship off by bragging about their supposedly accomplishments, education, money or fame and there are even some that will have you fooled, thinking that they are God's gift from Heaven. Some men lure women in by driving expensive cars, buying them lavish gifts and giving them money, while playing the perfect gentleman until they get what they want. While some woman have been known to play the innocent victim, one that's been hurt, lied to or cheated on.

 At first they start off as the innocent, perfect, supportive, girlfriend or wife until they have drawn their man into their clutches and took him for everything he owns. While these are known facts, one must ask themselves what if you found out your man or woman, happen to be crazy or a monster? What would you do if you found out your spouse was abusive, crazy, a criminal, a liar, a drug addict, a killer or even gay? What would you do if your spouse had an alter ego? And how would you handle it? Could you forgive them or even stay in the marriage or relationship after you found out? This next letter comes from a reader from Atlanta, Georgia, who was married for over five year, only later to find out that her husband was gay. After reading this letter all I could say was, "Wow, what a strange world we all live in and it pays to be patient while dating or seeking love. Because if one rushes into a relationship or marriage too fast then only danger or heartbreak awaits.

Hello Chuck,
How are you? I have been reading your blogs and you have some very interesting topics. I really enjoy reading them because they are real and you are always straight to the point. The reason I am writing you is because I have a problem, I have been in a marriage based off a lie. The man I am married to happens to be a deacon in the church in Atlanta, Georgia and when I married him I thought that he was a godly man. We met one day after church over six years ago in our park in lot. He was a very handsome man, respectable, well dressed and all the female members liked him. I was so surprised when he approached me because in our church there are over one hundred single women. I wasn't the prettiest woman there so when he approached me and told me that he liked me, it really made me feel good.We then started to date and five months latter we were married. We had a beautiful church wedding that even some movie stars would envy, ten bridesmaids, ten groomsmen, one flower girl and ring barrier. Right after we were taken to our hotel for our honey moon, with a stretched limousine.

My husband was the C.E.O. of a major company here and I was a registered nurse. We have the house, the cars, money and I thought everything. But I will never forget our wedding night when my husband asked me to put my finger in his rear. I thought that was strange at that time, but it was our wedding night and I didn't want to ruin our special night. After five years our sex life has been none existent and there are some nights that he won't even touch me. It wasn't until recently that a gay friend of mine told me that my husband was gay. I was shocked, hurt and amazed. I thought to myself that this couldn't be! Not my husband, because he is a deacon in the church, family man, respected in the community and then I thought about our wedding night. When he got home I confronted him, then asked him straight up was he gay. He looked at me with a very sad face, then said he was in fact gay. The reason he married me was to keep up appearance of a family man and didn't want anyone to know that he was gay. I am so ashamed, confused, hurt and I don't know what to do. Please Chuck tell me what do I now that I know my husband is gay?
I know you now understand why I must remain,
Anonymous

Hello Anonymous,
After reading your letter I must admit I never experienced anything quite like that. I married a someone who was the Bible study teacher and she wasn't who she appeared to be either, but she wasn't a monster and she sure wasn't gay. We just couldn't get alone and wasn't meant to be with each other. What would I do if she was gay? Number one, I would get tested, pray and then I would probably leave. Because its hard enough dealing with someone that's cheating or on drugs, but dealing with someone that's gay, well that is another story. Maybe I could compete with another man, but with a woman, I think that may be something that I couldn't handle or deal with. Even though I happen to be a God-fearing man this is a question I can't answer. Maybe my readers can help you with this one, because this is a subject that I don't completely understand. One thing I can offer to anyone who happens to be thinking about dating or getting married, is take your time and really get to know the person you are interested in. Never rush into anything especially moving in with someone or sex. After all if you never take time to know them, you will never know about the dirty little secretes that are, trapped in their closets. Write in then express your thoughts or views on the subject.
Chuck